Home is where your heart is
by Iwasallbymyself
Summary: "She is beautiful." Daryl Dixon is the boy that never learned to smile, not until he met Carol. Caryl , Merle, Daddy Dixon, high school. Abuse, angst and a lot of love.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

"_**It says home is where your heart is, but what a shame, cause everyone's heart doesn't beat the same… It's beating out of time."**_

_Merle: 18 years old. Daryl: 8 years old. _

His heart is beating dangerously fast and he can feel the taste of blood in his dry throat, that´s begging him to slow down. But he keeps running after his big brother that is about to walk out of his life… again. Tears are streaming down his pale face and his scrawny, slightly awkward, body is trembling but he keeps running until he finally reaches his hero, his very own superman.

"Please Merle!" He cries and grabs a hold of his brother's arm. "Don´t go."

Merle shrugs him of like he´s nothing and keeps walking away. A new wave of pain and hurt hits him and he can´t help but let out a small whimper. He tries to be strong, he tries so hard to be a man, just like Merle, but the fear, which has it deathly cold and boney fingers around his throat, makes it impossible. The familiar feeling of pure panic comes when he sees how Merle is getting on his precious bike, getting ready to leave everything behind, including him. The sound from the engine makes his heart stop and he throws himself at Merle, clutching on to him like he´s drowning. Maybe he is drowning, it sure feels like it. Drowning in he's own despair. Merle´s heavy hand lands on his shoulder and he can´t help but flinch, mentally preparing for getting his teeth kicked in or getting another black eye. But the hand doesn´t move and when he shyly looks up at his big brother he can see something he has never seen before. Behind all the anger and fury he can see sadness, but only for a second before the same hand, that just for a moment rested on his back, pushes him away.

"P-please M-Merl-le d-don´t l-l-leave-e m-me." He begs quietly as the whole world starts spinning faster and faster. "M-Mer-rle."

Merle doesn't say a word he just takes off, without looking back. The pain is worse than anything he have ever felt before and the tears won´t stop coming as he collapses on the dirty ground. He screams as he kicks and punches the ground, watching how superman abandons him once again.

_8 years later. _

The long dark hair is shagging in his eyes as he tries to hide his pain and shame from the world. He cans still hear their laughter even though the classroom is completely silent. Everyone is reading but he keeps looking out the window, whishing he could be out there, in the woods, where he don´t have to be ashamed or embarrassed. Ashamed because he don´t fit in with the rest of the world. There is a sudden knock on the door but he don´t care, he keeps looking out the window and tries to forget the burning scars on his emaciated body and the wounds that won´t stop hurting.

"So this is the new girl that I was telling you about, class." Mr. Harris says with his nasal voice as he opens the door. "Come in, don´t be shy dear."

Instantly his classmates start whispering, commenting on the new girl.

"Why don´t you tell us a little bit about yourself?" Mr. Harris says and is completely oblivious about the fact that the new girl would probably rather die than have to stand in front of a bunch of strangers that are already busy judging her. "Go on."

"Hi. My name is Carol, I´m 16 and I just moved here from Atlanta and… yeah."

Her voice, he has never heard anything like it. She doesn´t sound like the other girls, she doesn´t sound fake. Her voice is so… so honest, for a lack of a better word. For the first time today he looks up and the first thing he sees is her big, light blue eyes. For a moment he actually thinks he´s looking at the sky. He ducks his head, feeling a sudden shame and he cheeks starts turning red when he shyly looks at her under his bangs. Her hair is short and brown, almost blond and her lips have the same red color as the berries that grow just outside his house, the ones that have saved him from hunger many times. She is beautiful… _Stop it your pussy, don´t think of her like that. She is a nice girl and you´re you. Worthless, that´s all you are. _Merle´s voice is screaming in his head and he knows that his big brother is right, like he always is.

"I hope you will like it here." Mr. Harris utters after the awkward introduction and the disturbing silence that followed. "I will go get you a book and in the meanwhile you can take a seat next to Mr. Walsh over there and the rest of you continue to read."

Carol nods shortly and is looking relived when she sits down, no longer the center of attention. In the corner of his eye he can see how Shane leans towards her and flashes a big smile as he whispers something in her ear. Carol smiles, laughs quietly and whispers something back before she turns away. Talking, smiling, it looks so easy when other people did it. He turns his gaze out the window again, dreaming of a place where he is normal, a place where he isn´t afraid, a place where he is brave enough to say hi – a place that doesn´t exist.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you!**

"_This is the way the world ends_

_Not with a bang but a whimper."_

He is lying on the dingy, old mattress in the small room, which stinks of cheap alcohol and cigarettes, and stares up at the cracked ceiling. His stomach is begging for food, for anything, but the loud noises and laughter in the living room makes him stay in his room. Daddy has friends over and every time someone yells or growls he flinches, absolutely terrified for the drunks outside the door. He pulls the blanket over his head, in a desperate attempt to hide, to disappear, as he holds on to the letter that he got today. It is from Merle, his big brother actually wrote him a letter. Just the thought of that makes him want to smile. He hasn´t told daddy about it, knowing that his old man would just take it away. It is a short letter, just a few sentences but that doesn´t matter, superman wrote him a letter. Tears are filling his eyes but he blinks quickly, not allowing himself to cry like a little baby.

"Grow up." He mutters quietly under his breath. "Be a man, pussy."

Desperately he stares at the letter, hoping that if he just stares hard enough it will all make sense. He tries to focus but the words do not wish to be read. They keep jumping from the page, escaping his sight and merge in to a one big, black spot.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid…" He mumbles as he feels the agonizing shame even though no one is there to witness his pathetic attempt to read.

The only things he can read is his own name and his brother's name. _Merle_, he reads it over and over again and he longs for his big brother to come home. They are going hunting when Merle is getting out of jail; his brother promised him that. Like he always do… _Merle_. One year and 94 days, it had been that long since he last saw his big brother, not that he would admit to anyone that he counted the days, the minutes… the seconds. Another loud noise makes him jump, his heart racing and the fear makes him curl up to a little ball under the blue blanket Merle left behind. Daddy is laughing loudly; he is probably in the middle of telling a funny story, a funny story that makes old men blush and young kids cry.

It is now dark outside and his stomach is screaming. He stands up; nervously biting his bottom lip as he slowly opens the door. It had been quiet for a little while but he don´t know if they just passed out or they actually left. He is begging for the latter. The living room is empty and he can´t help but let out a small sigh of relief when he sees it, they left. Without making a sound he walks toward his daddy´s bedroom door, which is closed. Instantly he hears flesh against flesh and deep moaning. It almost sounds like his old man is suffering from the mad cow disease. He shrugs, trying to forget what he just heard, and returns to the kitchen. There is absolutely nothing in the fridge, except a few beers and an old smelly jar of pickles and the only thing he finds in the pantry is a box of cereals, expired. But he is too hungry to care. He sits down at the table and stars stuffing his face with the crunchy, dry pieces. Suddenly the bedroom door opens and a blonde, slightly over-weight woman with way too much make up, walks out with her shirt open. Her breasts are huge, too big to be real but too saggy to be fake. She has a cigarette in her mouth and he is so thankful that she is at least wearing panties. He immediately ducks his head, feeling how he´s turning red and he´s about to choke on the cereals when she sits down at the table.

"Hey kiddo." She says and takes a deep drag from her ciggy. "So which one are you, Merle or Daryl?"

He panics as he starts biting harder on his trembling lip, the taste of blood already spreading in his mouth and he looks up at her before he drops his gaze to the floor. She looks so much like mama, before she died; they have the same red bloody lips.

"Cat got your tongue, sweetie?" She asks with a smile.

"D-Daryl." He mumbles without looking up, hating that he stutters.

"Yeah, I think your daddy mentioned you, said you were nothing but trouble." She says lightheartedly, almost taunting as her smiles widen. "But he failed to mention how handsome you are, babe."

He looks up, completely shocked by her words and when she smiles at him he feels nothing but disgust. Her breasts are almost hanging over the table and her white teeth have lipstick on them. Her voice is too friendly, making her sound fake and easy, which she probably is. She stands up and the smile just gets bigger as she walks towards him. When her hand brush against his hair he jumps, total alarmed by her gentle touch, but she only smiles. Her hand makes it way down to his neck and he wants to scream, but he keeps quiet. His breathing is coming out short and fast and his dick is getting harder, he panics. Against his skin he can feel her warm breath and she smells like smoke and daddy. She gives him a small kiss on the cheek and chuckles before she backs away and sits down again. He does not want to know where her mouth has been. Her smile is big and triumphantly and he is clenching his fists as his breathing returns to normal.

"Crystal, have you seen my smokes?" His daddy growls from the bedroom.

"They are in here, Billy." She shouts back, still smiling.

He stands up from the table when his daddy walks in, ready to run. Daddy grabs him by the neck and he closes his eyes, fearing the worst.

"Sit down, we have company." His daddy slurs in a dark voice and forces him to sit down again. "Where are your manners, boy?"

"S-somewhere saf-fe." He whispers breathlessly, feeling confused once again.

Usually daddy throws him out, not caring if it´s night or day, when he has company, especially female company. Daddy gives the woman, Crystal, a sloppy kiss and grabs her left boob which makes her giggle like a little school girl. They are all sitting around the table and he is too afraid to even breathe. Daddy lights a smoke, eyeing him suspiciously.

"What the hell is wrong with you boy?" His daddy snarls with the usual anger in his voice.

He says nothing, his mouth won´t cooperate with his brain that is screaming at him to say something, anything. The familiar feeling of burning pain occurs suddenly when daddy slaps him across the face.

"I asked you a question, boy." His daddy growls and raises his hand again, ready to strike.

"N-no-othing." He answers quietly, still not looking up.

"Does he always stutter?" She asks all of a sudden, like he´s not even there.

"Yeah, boy so stupid he cannot even talk. Hell, he can´t even read or write." His daddy says and laughs mockingly. "He is as useless as a used rubber, aren´t you boy?"

The big breasted woman laughs, throwing her head back and the unshed tears in his eyes are threatening to fall. Daddy's words are like punches, like sharp daggers and the shame are filling his mind, body and soul. He closes his eyes, wishing that when he opens them that he will be somewhere else. Once again; no such luck. Daddy and Crystal are still laughing as he starts biting his thumb. He stands up abruptly, not able to take another second, and he starts walking away.

"Don´t you dare walk away from me, boy!" His daddy shouts furiously and stands up, grabbing his arm and throws him on the floor.

The lady does nothing, except giggling as he lies on the floor trying to get away. He tries to get on his feet but his father just kicks him down to the cold, dirty floor again. A kick is all it takes, he stops fighting, too afraid to make any kind of resistance, and he just lies there, shaking violently. The leather belt strikes him over the back and he cries out in pain. The belt keeps coming and coming as daddy screams meanwhile the woman laughs. Blood from new wounds, blood from old wounds, are streaming down his back and he tries to think of something else. He tries to think of Merle but the only thing he can think of is that superman isn´t here to help him. He is all alone. _Alone_, that is all that he can think of and that just scares him worse, makes the pain worse. Daddy keeps hitting him, over and over again, the pain almost unbearable but his cries are now nothing more than a whimper.


	3. Chapter 3

**You guys rocks, thank you!**

"Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it."

_The next day. _

It is like looking at a memory. A memory he can feel with every damn breath… He traces one of the deep, red scars that are jagged across his hollow chest with his finger as he stands in front of the mirror, trying to look away but can´t. Freak; he is nothing more than a scarred, ugly freak with a face not even a mother could love. Mama sure as hell couldn´t love him… Didn´t want to love him. In the mirror on the wall he meets his own, blue eyes that are staring at him darkly, judging him. Just like everyone else. He looks down quickly and grabs the black shirt from the floor, the only one with long sleeves. Carefully, but hastily, he puts it on, hiding his ugliness from the world, from himself. With a defeated sigh he turns around and walks out of the small bathroom, hoping that daddy and Crystal are gone. No such luck, daddy is sitting on the couch in the living room looking at him with an expression he can´t read. The older man lights another cigarette but continues to stare at him as he walks towards the front door, towards freedom.

"Boy, come here." His daddy growls lazily with a dark, rough voice. "Come to your daddy."

He stands still for a second, glaring at the door that is only a few feet away. Run, he wants to run but the fear and pain is making him stay. He walks up to his daddy like a damn dog, obeying his every command. He is biting his thumbnail, feeling the panic in every breath as he comes closer to the man that gave him life. The eyes are still lingering on the dirty floor, at the trace of blood in the corner, his blood. Just the thought of that makes him nauseas. Daddy reeks of cigarettes, cheap perfume and alcohol and the eyes are big and empty. Just the way Merles eyes are when he´s high on something bad. Daddy says nothing, just keep looking at him. It feels like he is six years old again, shaking from anxiety and fear, and biting his trembling lip. The silence is thick and agonizing, forcing him to realize that this is it. This is his life.

"I-I n-need-d to-o go to s-s-school." He mumbles quietly, desperate to break the silence.

Daddy grabs his wrist and pulls him close, dangerously close. He is only a few centimeters from daddy´s big, red face and the anger from the dark, cold eyes makes him flinch. His breathing slows down as the tears burn behind his eyes.

"You scared, boy?" Daddy asks tauntingly, with a crocked smile and his grip hardens. "Are you scared of daddy?"

He shakes his head, not daring to speak. Suddenly the familiar scent of burned flesh fills the room and it takes seconds before he feels the burning pain, realizing that daddy is holding a cigarette against his skin.

"F-fuck, l-let m-me go-o!" He shrieks, trying to get away but daddy won´t let go of his wrist. "P-pleas-se!"

He screams, trying to get away and he begs like a little kid. The only thing he can see is the melting skin on his hand. Tears are streaming down his face as he keeps begging.

"Pl-lease-e d-daddy! P-pleas-se!"

Suddenly daddy lets go of his wrist and he falls backwards on the floor. He hits his head, and he can feel the dark and dizziness take over, but he stands up abruptly, desperately, as and runs out of the house with daddy's laugh echoing in his ears. His hand is on fire, just like his back and heart. When he finally stops running he´s soaking wet of sweat and tears, his hair is standing in every direction and his heart is once again beating dangerously fast. The hand is shaking violently and he spits on the burned wound that is throbbing like crazy.

"Stop crying, fucking pussy." He mutters darkly and clenches his fist. "You should be used to it by now."

The skinny arms, the scarred back and the sliced up chest is all full of cigarette burns but he never gets used by the burning pain. Daddy had caught him by surprise and he hated that. He should know what the old man is thinking; he should be able to be one step ahead, just like Merle. Nothing caught Merle by surprise; his big brother always knows what someone is going to do even before they even know it themselves. The anger fleers up in his chest as he starts walking, cussing loudly and kicking every stone that comes in his way. He doesn´t care about the dirty looks he receives from the people on the street. They glare at him with disgust but no one says anything, knowing that he´s a Dixon. The school is a depressing building and it looks more like a prison than a school, it feels like it too. Merle would probably disagree, but to him this is nothing more than a prison, keeping him from the woods. His first class has already started but he has no intention to run to the classroom and get a scolding for being late. So he walks towards the bathroom instead to cool his burning hand, he should probably go and see the school nurse but he doesn´t have the patient to deal with her silly questions. Suddenly four people stand in his way, blocking the entrance to the bathroom and without looking up he knows who it is.

"Look boys, the redneck trash is finally here." Shane says and laughs mockingly as his arms are crossed over his broad chest. "Looking good, Dixon, got a new shirt from the salvation army?"

"Better watch your mouth sunshine..." He answers warningly, feeling the anger burn inside.

"Or did big brother send it from jail?"

The four guys, who are all bigger than him, are laughing loudly. Shane is looking pleased and the smile on his face is big and smug. He has heard this all before, the names, the insults, everything but it still hurts.

"I´m gonna stomp your ass!" He screams furiously and jumps on Shane, throwing a fist at the older boy's handsome face.

Shane stumble backwards right into the wall and screams as he tries to fight back. Red, all he sees is red and he doesn´t care about anything anymore, he keeps hitting Shane like there are no tomorrow and he smiles when he sees blood coming from Shane's nose.

"Get him off, get this psycho off me!" Shane shouts as he receives another sucker punch to the jaw. "Now!"

The three other guys grab him and try to pull him of their leader, but the anger has taken control over him. He hears his daddy´s laugh in his head, Merles endless taunting and he sees Crystal´s teasing smile and the society's dirty looks. He keeps hitting and kicking Shane who is bleeding and coughing. Suddenly they manage to get him off Walsh and they throw him up against the lockers. He doesn´t cringe or scream out in pain, he just keep glaring at the man who has made school a living hell for so many years.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, fucking psycho!" Shane roars darkly. "Stupid son of a bitch."

Shane's giant fist connects with his nose but he doesn't bat an eye, he just keeps staring. He doesn´t utter a sound when his lip splits open and blood starts streaming down his face, because the anger is to strong and he have felt worse, much worse.

"Stop it!"

Shane stops, looking completely shocked. He turns his head to see who it is who actually has the balls to stand up to Shane like that. It is that new girl, Carol. She is looking horrified but at the same time very, very pissed off.

"Let him go." She says shortly and comes closer. "Now."

"Just take it easy Carol, we are just teaching this redneck freak here to show some manners to his superiors, that´s all." Shane says with a sly grin.

Carol doesn´t smile back, she just looks even angrier and if looks could kill...

"Let him go." She says again calmly.

"You got your period or something?" Shane snorts annoyed and walks away angrily.

The goons that are holding him release him instantly and hurry after Shane. He clenches his fists, the anger still burning hot.

"Are you okay?" She asks carefully as she comes closer.

"I didn´t need your help!" He snaps and takes a step back, his eyes black with hatred. "I can take care of myself."

"Sure you can, I don´t doubt that." She says with a warm smile. "I just thought that…"

"I do not care what you thought, stupid bitch!" He cuts her off, refusing to meet her blue eyes that are looking at him.

"I would prefer if you called me Carol, but I must say stupid bitch is way better than my middle name so I guess I´m all right with it." She says lightheartedly and smiles.

He stands stunned, a normal person would have smacked him across the face or started crying but this girl laughs. Her blue eyes are shining like diamonds and he can´t help but stare for a moment. Her laugh, he has never heard anything like it before, it sounds so… pure.

"So what is your name?" She asks and hands him a tissue.

He stares at the tissue and then at her, feeling confused. No one has giving him anything, not without expecting something in return. This girl must be crazy.

"Daryl." He mumbles before he gives her one last look and walks away as the anger slowly disappears.

"Nice to meet you Daryl!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! **

"_Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."_

_Nice to meet you Daryl. _He is not nice to meet, he´s a monster, a stupid monster that keeps fucking everything up. She smiled at him, talked to him like he was actually worth something. He is pacing outside the school, trying to calm down and understand what just happened. Blood is streaming down his face, but he hardly notices, because the only thing he can think of is Carol, the girl with the kindest eyes he has ever seen. Why did she tell Shane to stop, everyone else would just have laughed or walked away? Because they know that he is not worth their time. He is just Daryl Dixon, redneck trash who doesn´t deserve help. Not that he wants it; he can take care of himself. They keep fucking with him, thinking that they can break him. But they don´t seem to understand, that they can´t break something that is already broken. He ducks his head, clenching his fists tightly as he leans against the cold wall and takes a deep breath. All he wants is to be left alone, because he is getting tired. He is getting tired of fighting, of being scared and he is getting tired, so tired of feeling. He wishes he could go numb. He closes his eyes, only for a second, and takes a deep breath before he decides he probably should go to class. He wipes the blood from his face with his shirt and walks slowly towards the entrance as he keeps his blue eyes on the ground. The halls are now filled with students and he can feel the anxiety and anger slowly return. He hates them, loathes them and he would give anything to be out in the woods right now. Most of them ignore him, but a few glares darkly at him, their eyes filled with disgust but they turn their heads quickly when he scowls back. They are all terrified of his dark, deathly stare and they all know what a _Dixon_ is capable of. No one says anything to him and he is thankful for that. The classroom is empty and he can´t help but sigh in relief. He takes his usual seat in the back of the classroom and starts waiting for this day to end. The silence are soon replaced with meaningless conversations as the lesson is about to begin. When the teacher, an older black woman, walks in everyone stops talking and begins passing notes instead.

"Okay boys and girls, I hope you have sharpened your pencils because today we will talk about J.M Barrie, Astrid Lindgren and many other beloved authors." Says the teacher, Mrs. Prescott, enthusiastic and smiles widely. "Oh and Mr. Dixon, the principal wants to see you in his office _now_."

"What a surprise."

"Wonder what he has done this time."

"Why don´t they just kick him out?"

He can hear how they are whispering about him, laughing at him and that makes his blood boil inside his veins. Mrs. Prescott gives him a cold look and he knows that she is happy that he is about to get a scolding from the principal. The black woman hates his guts and it is all thanks to Merle. When he walks to the door he can feel everyone eyes on him, burning holes in his back and even when he closes the door he feels them.

The young secretary, outside the principal's office, doesn´t even look at him when she orders him to sit down and wait. He takes his favorite seat, the one closes to the window as he sticks his hand in his pocket. His heart is beating hard and fast in his chest and he is in no mood to be yelled at, not today.

"You can go in now." The secretary mutters shortly.

Without arguing he stands up and opens the door to the office which he has spent many, many hours in. The principal, Mr. Evans is a big man and has a very bad toupee resting on top of his red, sweaty head. Mr. Evans is sitting behind his desk, staring at some papers, but looks up when he walks in.

"I see our meetings are becoming a weekly ritual, Mr. Dixon." Mr. Evans says with a frown and shakes his head in disappointment. "Sit down!"

He sits down as he continues to stare at the wall in front of him.

"Mr. Walsh told me that you, without any reasons whatsoever, attacked him and his friends. I won´t tolerate this, I have had enough of you and your fighting, Dixon!" Exclaims Mr. Evans furiously, not caring to hear the other side of the story. "Your grades are worse than ever and your attitude is a disgrace! I can´t even remember the last time…"

"Just give me my fucking punishment so I can go." He growls suddenly and gives the principal a dark stare before he returns his gaze to the wall.

"Do not talk!" Mr. Evans scowls furiously and points his fat finger at him. "You are expelled for the rest of the week and I will write a note to your father!"

Fright fills his heart and he wants to scream, but he only smirks coldly, trying to hide his fear and panic.

"Wonderful." He says sarcastically and stands up, trying to control his temper. "And here I thought I was getting punished."

"Sit down!" Roars Mr. Evans and slams his hand on the desk. "I am not finished with you!"

"Well I am fucking finished with you, old man." He sneers angrily and turns around.

Mr. Evans grabs his arm, not hard, but that doesn´t matter. The instant fear is replaced with hatred as he pulls himself free from the principal's grip, and he can no longer control his feelings that have taken over his voice.

"Don´t touch me!" He shouts and takes a step back, his eyes dark as night. "Touch me again and I´ll make you eat your stupid wig!"

Mr. Evan freezes for a moment, absolutely shocked by the outburst, which he shouldn´t be. It is not the first time, and it probably won´t be the last.

"Someone should really tan your hide boy to teach you some manners!" Mr. Evans roars before he can stop himself.

The sudden silence is deafening and for a second he just stands there, staring at the principal that looks at him with eyes that don´t understands. He nods quietly before he opens the door and runs out. He runs through the empty halls and he keeps running until the cold wind blows through his hair, he can´t stay another minute in this place. The woods, anywhere, he needs to get out of here. Now!

"Daryl! Wait a minute!"

He stops dead in his tracks, that voice, he knows that voice. It is Carol. What the hell does she want? In the corner of his eye he can see her coming closer and the panic in his chest is getting bigger. Maybe he should keep running. If it were anybody else he would have, but some part of him wants to hear her voice and look into those eyes. So he stands still.

"Is everything all right?" She asks and smiles kindly.

He gives her an odd look, not knowing how to answer her question. No one has ever asked him that before and he don´t know what he is supposed to say so he says nothing. He just ducks his head and hides his blue eyes behind the long hair.

"Are you going home? Blowing off school?" She says, not seeming mad or upset because he didn´t answer her question. "I wish I had the guts to ditch school, but my mom is always home… so yeah, I guess I would have to find a place where I can go if I ever decide to ditch."

She is talking to him, he can´t believe it. What is wrong with her? Doesn´t she knows that he´s bad news? He screamed at her, called her names but here she is, telling him things. He smiles shyly until he realizes that he probably should say something.

"Y-yeah." He stammers quietly under his breath, his cheeks turning light red, embarrassed of his stuttering. "I-I have to-o g-go."

"Oh okay, sorry I didn´t mean to talk so much and make you late." She laughs apologetic and takes out a letter from her bag and hands it to him. "You dropped this in the hallway."

He stares at the letter, superman's letter, before he rips it out of her hand.

"Did y-you read i-it?" He snaps, trying to sound angry and mad.

"Of course not, it´s your letter, not mine." She says immediately as she looks at him with those big eyes that can see through everything, including his walls and soul. "Well I have to go, see you tomorrow, Daryl. Bye."

She turns around and starts walking towards the school as he stands stunned, the confusion pounding hard in his head.

"C-Carol?" He exclaim shyly before he can stop himself. "T-thanks-s."

She turns her head and gives him a big smile as she keeps walking. And for the first time in his pathetic life he feels warmth inside his chest instead of fear.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you everyone! Feel free to review. **

"Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them."

The woods, the one place where no one can laugh at him, can see how weird he is, where they can´t beat him; burn him, because he don´t fit in with the rest of the world. Here is quiet, peaceful and it´s the only place where he can think without being interrupted by pain and humiliation. He walks deeper into the woods, the place he calls home, and he takes a long deep breath as he keeps walking. He still remembers that time he got lost; he remembers the darkness, the small quiet sounds in the night and the feeling of being all alone, knowing that no one is out looking for him. Because he´s not worthy to be found. Merle was gone; mama was dead and daddy… daddy didn´t care. All alone, like always. He has spent many nights hiding in the woods, too scared to go home…

_**A few years earlier.**_

_The pain is burning all over his skinny body and he can feel daddy´s warm breath against his neck. Daddy is coming closer. He starts running faster, begging to whatever is up there that daddy won´t catch him. Blood is running down his tear covered face, which is swollen and bruised, badly. His bare feet is stumbling through the woods and it´s a small miracle that he doesn´t fall and breaks his face. But he knows every stone, every tree in this forest that has saved him from starvation many times and given him a bed when he needed one. And it has given him the understanding he desperately wanted, wants, the understanding he can´t get from another living person. He can no longer hear daddy's screaming, but keeps running, trying to get away from the leather belt, the cigarettes, the frying pan, from daddy´s fists. He runs from the pain. He stops and let´s his scrawny body collapse on the ground as he´s tries to catch his breath. _

"_Useless." He mutters darkly to himself, hiding his face in his hands. _

_He broke the bottle, it was daddy´s last bottle of beer and he broke it. Useless! No wonder why daddy got mad, he fucked up. He deserved having his head slammed against the oven and his face banged against the table, repeatedly. Hell, he deserved worse, much worse, but he is a fucking coward. A weak little boy, he just couldn´t take any more pain. So he ran, like a little pussy. His cheeks turn dark red as he hears Merle laughing at him inside his head. The wind is blowing cold and the dark is slowly coming, there is a lump of fear in his throat but he knows that this is better, safer. And the grass and the moss are actually more comfortable than his mattress which is stained with dry blood and dirt. His and Merle´s blood, superman's blood. The eyelids are heavy but the pain is too much, the fear is too much. His whole life is too much. So he lies there, scared like a little baby in the dark, wishing that Merle will find him soon as he hides in his big brother´s sweatshirt. The air is getting colder and the whispery sounds behind the trees are getting louder. _

"_Stop being such a pussy." He mumbles angrily, gritting his teeth. "Merle wouldn´t be afraid…" _

_He talks quietly to himself, a habit he has had for years because he has never had anyone else talk to him, no one except daddy and Merle. But he likes it when it´s quiet, he prefers it even, but sometimes the quiet seems much scarier, more dangerous. Hours, he lies there for hours under the star filled sky as he talks to himself about everything and nothing. About things he wished he could say to Merle. The black sky is filled with stars and he knows that one of those stars is mama. His mama is a star and she shines just for him. His blue eyes are big and wide as he searches for mama in the sky and he knows that he has found her when his eyes find a small, glowing star in the corner of the sky. Mama is separated from the other stars but that doesn´t matter, because she lights the brightest. _

"_Hey mama." He says softly as his heart aches. "I-I miss you. Merle misses you too… I k-know he does… Do you miss us?"_

_Silence. _

"_Please answer me." He begs quietly and starts biting his trembling lip. "P-plea-ase a-answer me-e m-ma-ama."_

_Tears are slowly flowing from his clear blue eyes as he looks up at his mama. Deep inside he knows that she isn´t a star and he knows that she doesn´t miss them. But sometimes he plays pretend. He pretends that he has that family everyone else seems to have, the one he never got. _

"_Merle is going to take me to the county fair next week mama, and he says he´ll even buy me cotton candy. He promised… M-e-r-l-e. You heard that mama? I can spell. Merle taught me." _

_Once again there´s silence. _

"_Is it cold in heaven mama? Can angels fly when it´s cold?"_

_The silence returns, mocking him. _

"_We got a new teacher today, mama; his name is Mr. Jenner and he, he… You don´t care mama, you never did." He whispers and closes his eyes for a moment. "If you were alive, if you hadn´t k-killed yourself, you would have told me to shut up and leave you alone."_

_The memories are crashing down on him as his whole body trembles. The blood from his lip is running down his chin, staining Merles shirt. _

"_You were the one that left…" _

_The last thing he remembers before he blacks out is the memory of his house burning to the ground with his mother still inside, her final goodbye before she left forever. His sleep is dark and haunted by the reality. _

"_Darlena! For fuck sakes, get your ass over here!" _

_He wakes up with a jolt, relief filling his mind as he hears his brother's voice. But the feeling is short-lived when he realizes how cold he is, the threadbare clothes a damp and his body and face are throbbing with pain. Everything hurts. _

"_Daryl!" _

"_M-Merle!" He shouts back, trying to hold his shaky voice steady. _

_It doesn´t take long before his brother finds him. Merle looks at him with an unreadable expression and he feels embarrassed, and weak._

"_You look like shit, little brother." Merle scoffs with a smile, letting his eyes linger on the swollen face which is covered in dark, dried blood. "Come on stand up, I don´t have all day princess."_

_He nods and takes a deep breath, trying to sit up but the pain is making it hard, almost impossible. A whimper escapes his small, red lips as he tries, really tries, to do what Merle told him to do. Tears are threatening to fall from his eyes that stare at the ground in front of him. Merle is sighing impatiently. He ducks his head in shame, not wanting to see his brother's disappointment. Suddenly Merle knees in front of him and without saying a word he grabs his shoulder with one arm and his legs with the other. Merle is carrying him in his strong arms and his cheeks turns once again red. But he doesn´t have the strength to care, not now, so he buries his face in the crook of Merles neck, crying. _

"_Stop crying you little pussy." Merle snaps halfheartedly before he whispers soothingly. "Now hush little baby, don't you cry. Everything's gonna be alright. Merle gonna buy you a mockingbird. I'mma give you the world. I'mma buy a diamond ring for you. I'mma sing for you. I'll do anything for you to see you smile. And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine. I'mma break that birdie's neck. I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya and make him eat every carat don't fuck with me." _

_**(Merles poem – Mockingbird, Eminem.) **_


	6. Chapter 6

"_Weep little lion man."_

Suddenly he is painfully awake, staring into the monsters black, drunken eyes as he lies on the dingy, old mattress on the floor. Daddy´s big hand slaps him across the face and his mouth fills instantly with blood. He tries not to cough or swallow as the blood starts dripping down his chin. Daddy is mad, furious, and is obviously coming down from whatever high he has been on for the last couple of days. He ducks his head, terrified that daddy will see the fear in his blue, watery eyes. Even though he´s scared shitless he refuses to cry like the scared little boy he really is. The one he always will be. He needs to grow up; he needs to be more like Merle. He needs to be strong, a man. The man who gave him life looks at him with disgust, with disappointment and that hurt worse than any slap or punch, hell it hurts even worse than the iron. Daddy's cruel looks and words hurt worse than everything, well almost everything. The only thing that hurts worse is superman's cruel words and punches. It really feels like his soul is on fire when Merle calls him worthless or a waste of semen. It hurts more than he cares to admit. He would give anything to not be able to feel anything or to be able to be what they want him to be. But he can´t. He is weak, a fucking disgrace.

"Are you listening to me boy?" daddy growls darkly and gives him another slap.

"Y-yes daddy." He answers quickly and tries to ignore the pain.

"So what did I just say, you worthless piece of shit? Huh?" Daddy roars furiously, looking like a madman, and raises his hand again. "Answer me boy!"

His trembling lips are moving but the words won't come out, he panics and the only thing he sees are his daddy´s black eyes. He crawls backwards, his back connecting with the wall immediately, as he tries to escape daddy´s fury. In his hands he hides his head and pulls his skinned knees up to his chin, trying to make himself invisible. Before he knows it daddy grabs his hair and drags him across the floor, like he was nothing more than a bag of dirty laundry. The wounds and scars on his back tears open and fresh blood is sticking to his shirts, leaving a trail on the floor as he screams.

"L-let me g-g-go d-dad-d-dy!" He shrieks his voice filled with panic.

"Get the fuck out of my house boy." Daddy snarls and opens the front door. "Some important people are coming over tonight so stay away, you hear me?!"

He looks up from the floor with a frown; the fear has been replaced with anger as he looks up at the man who is supposed to love him but never will.

"I didn´t know whores and alcoholics counted as important p-people." He sneers with a crocked smile and it takes a second before he realize what he´s said and done.

Daddy´s eyes are no longer black, they are burning red. The man towers over him, staring at him with no mercy but with pure rage. The enormous fists are clenched and daddy's drunk, wrinkly face is turning white, deathly white.

"You need to learn some respect boy!" Daddy growls and starts kicking him, over and over again as he lies on the floor, defenseless. "You filthy, disease-bearing, motherless poxy bastard, I should beat the shit out of you!"

The boots connects with his ribs repeatedly and he cries out in pain as he wishes that daddy won´t break any of his ribs again. He coughs blood and he is getting dizzy, stars and planets are dancing in front of his eyes when daddy kicks him in the head.

"Don´t you dare talk to me like that ever again!" Daddy sneers and throws him out in the cold and slams the door shut.

He sighs and closes his eyes as one single salty tear roll down his bruised cheek.

XxX

He stands awkwardly outside the convenient store, debating whether he should go in or not. Two lousy dollars, that is all he has and his stomach is screaming for food. He could sneak into his room and grab his crossbow and hunt, but it won´t be pretty if daddy caught him. He can´t take another beating, not today. So the only options left are either starve or walk in to the convenient store and try to ignore the nasty looks. His back, the blood, is all hidden under a big hoody that he found in the shed. But they can still see his bruised face, they can still see that he´s a Dixon. Nasty looks and snide comments, he can´t take it not today, he rather starve.

"Hi!"

He turns around and he sees that crazy girl again, she´s everywhere. The smile on her red lips makes him blush and he drops his eyes to the ground, unable to look at her without his heart beating faster.

"I am dying for some chocolate!" Carol exclaim with a laugh.

He nods, feeling like a damn fool. She pulls the door open as she glances over her shoulder, still smiling. It takes a moment before he realizes that she is waiting for him to follow. Run, he should run but instead he walks towards her and enter the store. Carol wasn´t kidding, she runs to the chocolate bars and seems oblivious to the looks they are getting from the old ladies and the middle-aged men. They are all familiar with daddy and Merle. He sneers, glaring at them darkly, hating every single one of them. An older lady with a stupid, purple hat shakes her head at him before she whispers something to her friend. He wants to take her ugly hat and light it one fire but he says nothing. Instead he looks around, feeling the money resting in his pocket between his fingers. The only thing he can afford is a small bag of chips, he won´t get full but at least is something. Suddenly he feels a hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch and turn around, clenching his fists, ready to defend himself. The man standing in front of him is the manager, Mr. Harris, an average looking guy who thinks that he´s some sort of God or something. He, like everyone else, loathes the Dixon family, especially ever since Merle punched him to the ground after a heated argument involving someone's wife and a bottle of whiskey in Merles pocket.

"Get out of here Dixon, I don´t want any trouble." Mr. Harris says with a superior voice. "Go on, scram."

He is just about to open his mouth and tell the man to fuck off when Carol walks up beside him, looking utterly pissed.

"Why, he hasn´t done anything?" She protests loudly, crossing her arms over her chest, not caring that everyone is looking. "You can´t kick him out."

"Actually I can miss, and if I were you I wouldn´t hang around with people like him. They are bad news." Mr. Harris snarls with a nasally voice and gives him a dirty look.

"And if I were you sir, I would get another tie." Carol says with a smirk. "You can´t kick him out, he hasn´t done anything wrong…"

"It´s obvious that you don´t know the Dixons…"

"And it´s obvious that you don´t own a mirror." Carol retorts coolly.

He laughs quietly and stands amazed. This girl is a real badass, a crazy badass. But the idiot manager is right, she doesn´t know the Dixons and he is bad news. Something snaps inside his head when Mr. Harris touches him again and the anger returns instantly. He needs to defend himself.

"Don´t touch me! I´ll kick your fucking teeth in you piece of shit!" He roars and walks closer to the man, ready to give him a black eye.

"Get out before I call the police!" The manager yells, clearly afraid.

"Fucking pussy!" He mutters darkly and storms out of the store.

He cusses loudly as he walks down the street, wanting to disappear deep into the woods and fall asleep and never wake up again. He hasn´t come far when he hears footsteps behind him, he turns around ready to strike when he sees those blue eyes.

"Are you all right Daryl?" She asks worryingly.

"What do you want?" He snaps at her, wondering why she can´t understand that she shouldn´t talk to him.

"Do you want some chocolate?" She asks, ignoring his harsh voice.

"I don´t want your pity." He sneers at her and keeps walking.

"Good, because I´m not giving it." She says and walks up beside him, like they were friends or something.

Never before has he walks beside someone, not even Merle. He always walks one step behind his big brother, hiding in his shadow, it feels safe and it is easier. This is completely new to him.

"Are you sure you don´t want any chocolate?" Carol asks and hands him a kitkat.

He´s eyeing her suspiciously, thinking that it has to be some cruel joke. She smiles at him and after a long, long time he takes the kitkat from her hand and nods.

"I didn´t see you at school today."

"I-I… eh, expelled." He answers shortly, the embarrassment clearly visible on his face.

"What, why?" She asks, sounding surprised.

"The f-fight… With S-S-Shane." He mumbles quietly, hating himself for not being able to talk like a normal person.

"What?! Did you tell the principal that Shane was the one that started it?" Carol exclaims upset.

He gives her a confused look before he ducks his head again. Why can´t she just understand that he´s bad? That she should stay away before he hurts her.

"W-what do y-you wa-ant?" He asks her again.

"I just want to talk to you, be your friend." She says and gives him another smile.

He stops dead in his track, his mouth hangs open and he can´t understand what she just said. Damn, she is crazier than he thought. Her eyes meet his and for moment everything feels all right, but just for a moment.

"Y-you don´t w-wan´t t-t-to b-be my f-frien-nd, t-trust me." He answers bitterly and starts walking faster. "And I-I s-sure as h-hell don´t w-w-want to b-be yours."

"And why wouldn´t I want to be your friend?" She asks looking unconvinced as her eyes sparkles'.

"B-because I a-am a D-Dixon an-nd y-you d-d-deserve something b-better." He answers, deathly serious, and gives her one last look before he takes off, leaving her behind.


	7. Chapter 7

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light."

Everything hurts but he don´t care, he keeps running, desperate to get away from the girl with the blue eyes and kind smile, the girl who wants to be his friend. A friend, he has never, ever had one before and he don´t want one now. The only people he really knows are daddy and Merle, but they aren´t his friends, they are family; the most important thing in the whole world. Big brother Merle is the only one on this whole planet that gives a shit about him, he knows that. Even Merle has said it so it must be true because everything superman says _is_ true… Friends, he don´t want them, he don´t need them and he sure as hell don´t deserve them. The pain is excruciating but he keeps running and he doesn´t stop until he is safe in the woods. The air is a little fresher, the pain hurts a little less but the blue eyes are still on his mind. The thought of her smile makes him want to smile and he hates her for it.

XxX

His blue eyes are looking at the horizon, watching the sun rise and bring light to this dark, dark world. The sunshine doesn´t make the ugly disappear but it somehow manage to make it beautiful.

"Carols smile is like sunshine…" He whispers to himself, blushing fiercely for a moment before his eyes turns dark. "Stop being such a pussy, stupid. She is just a girl."

He has been sitting against the tree for hours, freezing his ass off, but he likes it here, it´s quiet. His fingers are turning blue and his teeth are chattering so he stands up, realizing that he needs to go back. His heart hurts and the fear is lying heavy on his shoulder when he walks home to the man that makes the wish for death only stronger. Merle taught him to never walk in through the front door if he wasn´t absolutely certain that daddy was either gone or passed out. So he crawls through his bedroom window as quiet as possible. Without making a sound he takes of his damp pants and the hood which is covered in dark blood, his blood. He grabs the green wife-beater from the floor before he climbs into bed and closes his eyes.

XxX

He wakes up with a jolt, ready to scream when he feels a swift kick against his ribs. The fear smashes on him like a bomb and he´s trembling violently as he ducks his head, waiting for the first punch.

"Whoa, take it easy little brother."

He looks up immediately, the feeling of relief flows through his scrawny body when he sees the man he idolizes. Superman is standing in front of him, looking bigger and stronger than ever before and he feels like a silly little kid because the only thing he wants to do is to hug his big brother and never let go.

"Merle." He says with a small smile hiding in the corner of his lips as he stands up.

Merle gives him a short and rough hug and he can´t help but flinch at first but when his nose fills with Merles familiar scent and he hears his big brothers heartbeat, he feels safe. For the first time since Merle walked out of his life for the millionth time. Merle takes a step back and gives him an appraising look. He feels nothing but shame when his hero's eyes examines him with an expression he can´t read. Merle looks so much like their daddy and that scares him. Because they doesn´t just share the same appearance, the also share the same temper.

"You´re skinnier than that bitch I fucked last night." Merle says with a crocked smile and laughs loudly. "Come on baby brother, let´s get some breakfast.

Merle walks out and leaves him alone in the small room, the laugh still ringing loudly in his ears. Tears are pressing behind his eyes when he looks down, staring at his body with disgust. The body that is covered in jagged scars, big purple bruises and bloody wounds that would make anyone turn their eyes in repulsion. He is ugly. With his head down, eyes on the floor, he walks after Merle, like he always does. Merle is leaning against the kitchen table, keys in his hands and it looks like he´s lost in memories. He is pretty sure that Merles memories aren´t pleasant ones. When he enters the room Merle blinks hastily, returning to reality.

"Better put on some clothes boy, we don´t want to scare anyone."

He gives Merle a quick glance, embarrassed to tell him that all his clothes are stained with dirt, blood or bile. The cheeks turn red and he starts chewing on his bottom lip, trying to find the right words. Merle grabs his green, worn-out duffle bag without uttering a word and takes out a black t-shirt and a pair of old sweatpants.

"Hurry up." Merle says shortly and hands him the clothes and walks out.

Quickly he puts the clothes on and hurries after his big brother who starts laughing immediately when he sees him. He feels like an idiot and he sure as hell looks like one. The clothes are way too big and the pants keep sliding down his thin waist.

"Goddamn little brother, you look like one of them nigger's on TV." Merle grins widely and shakes his head in amusement. "Get in the truck, boy."

Once again he does what Merle wants him to do. He sits quiet, staring out the window as they drive, trying to work up a nerve.

"Merle?" He starts quietly as he shyly looks at his brother. "When did you get out?"

"About a month ago I reckon, little brother." Merle answers, his eyes on the road.

"Why didn´t you come sooner?" He asks, sounding like a hurt little kid.

"Because I rather taste pussy than listen to one." Merle laughs, never lost for words or insults.

"You could´ve called." He exclaim, biting hard on his lips as he tries to keep his voice steady.

"Quit your whining Darlena, I sent you a damn letter didn´t I?" Merle growls and gives him a slap on the head.

"Oh r-right…" He mumbles quietly, remembering the letter, the one he can´t read. "Does… does d-daddy knows that your home?"

"Yeah, and he´s just thrilled about it." Merle sneers sarcastically and rolls his eyes.

They arrive at the convenient store and he has no desire to walk inside but he knows that Merle won´t let him stay in the truck. So he opens the door and walks one step behind Merle with a dark glare plastered on his face.

"Take whatever you want little brother." Merle says over his shoulder and grabs a six-pack. "

He nods, grateful that the store is empty. It has been days since he last ate something that wasn´t expired, chocolate or from the woods. So he grabs a coke and a sandwich with bacon, his mouth already watering. Mr. Harris is standing behind the counter, looking furiously at the Dixon brothers. Merle doesn´t notice the dark stare and he tries his best to ignore it.

"Come on Daryl; get your ass in gear so we can get the hell out of here." Merle hollers and leans casually against the counter.

"I thought I made myself clear the last time Dixon." Mr. Harris exclaim with a cold voice.

Merle turns around and gives Mr. Harris a questioning look before he starts chuckling. Mr. Harris is not amused.

"Well I be damned, I didn´t recognize you without my fist in your face." Merle says and smirks. "How is your wife?"

"Get the fuck out Dixon!" Mr. Harris shouts his face completely red. "Get out or I call the police!"

"Shut up or I call your wife." Merle says tauntingly, wiggling his eyebrows and makes an obscene gesture with his tongue.

"I´ll kill you! You dirty son of a bitch!"

"Take it easy, man; I just want to buy some breakfast for my baby brother." Merle says calmly and smiles.

Suddenly Merle grabs Mr. Harris throat and pulls him closer, the smile is gone and is replaced with a cold, threating voice. Mr. Harris is scared shitless and he understands him. Even he is scared but he says nothing, just stands quietly, watching superman attack another man.

"You talk like that to me again and I´ll kill you, you worthless piece of shit." Merle says dangerously low. "I´ll smash your brain in and then I´ll fuck your wife. Do you understand?"

The average looking man is watching Merle like he´s some kind of monster and tears are visible in his eyes but he says nothing, he only nods.

"Good, I am so happy that we understand each other." Merle says politely and throws a tattered dollar bill on the counter and walks out with his beer. "Keep the change."

He stands quietly, looking at the man who he hates but also understands. He understand how it feels to be insulted and threaten, he knows what it feels like to be so scared that one loses the ability to speak. Mr. Harris looks up and they meet each other's eyes, only for a second before he walks out, holding on to his sandwich and coke.

"I´ll drop you of at school." Merle says after minutes of driving in silence.

"Can you drop me off at the park? We are having a field trip today." He lies, not wanting to tell Merle about the fight and everything.

"Do you want me sign your permission slip too, baby brother?" Merle coos and ruffles his hair teasingly, like he always did when they were kids.

Merle drops him off at the park and takes off immediately, muttering something about a blonde with big tits and a tight pussy. The truck turns left and disappears. His head is spinning; superman is back and he´s so happy and so scared at the same time. He takes a deep breath as he strolls through the park but it doesn´t take long before he drops to his knees and starts throwing up the dry sandwich he just ate. Merle is back, but it took him a month, a month, to return. His hero is back and he knows that Merle probably will give him some new scars, more scars, but he will also protect him from daddy. He keeps hurling, his stomach and throat is on fire.

"Daryl, oh my god, are you okay?"

That voice again! Why oh why is she always everywhere? He looks up and gives her a dark glare before he throws up one last time. The brown hair is hanging like a curtain in front of his eyes but he can still see the worry in her eyes. She puts her hand gently on his shoulder but he flinches, like she just had burned him, and the anger is bigger than ever.

"Don´t touch me."

"Sorry, I just wanted to see if you were all right." Carol explains, still looking extremely worried. "Maybe we should go to the hospital, or something?"

We? We?! God, how he wishes that she could just go away, but at the same time stay.

"I don´t need to go to the hospital." He mutters as he stands up, refusing to look at her and her perfect red lips.

"Oh, but you will when I´m finished with you!"

He turns around, the voice is all too familiar and he clenches his fists and takes a deep breath. Shane.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate it! Feel free to follow me on instagram! **_**Mariiiangelica**_

"_We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."_

Shane Walsh is standing a few feet in front of him, smiling smugly. He knows that Shane is too big of a coward to start a fight without his friends so he listens closely, trying to tell where the so called henchman are hiding. Carol is standing beside him, and he notice that she smells just like a flower, like a Cherokee rose. He gives her a quick glance and takes a deep breath, taking in her scent, before he turns his attention back to Shane. Why aren´t they in school he wonders as he catches a glimpse of someone ducking behind a bush, preparing for an ambush. He doesn´t give a shit if they give him a black eye or knocks him to the ground, he can take a hit or in fact he can take plenty of hits. But he swears that they will walk with a limp for the rest of their life if they lay on dirty finger on Carol. He has no idea why he cares so much about the crazy, annoying and beautiful girl but for some reason he does and it drives him mad.

"Damn Dixon, you´re reeking more than usual and I thought that was impossible." Shane taunts loudly, referring to the bile on Merle´s shirt.

Angers fleers up inside his soul but also shame and fear. He doesn´t fear Shane, no Shane is nothing more than a popular idiot, but he fear Merle. His big brother won´t be too happy when he finds out that he puked his gut out like a little bitch.

"What do you want Shane?" Carol says with a deep sigh, her hands resting on her hips.

"Oh I just want to show this redneck here how to behave." Shane answers politely and gives Carol a big, fake smile. "It´s really something his mother should have taught him but I guess that bitch killed herself before she got the chance."

Carol gasps beside him, stunned by Shane's harsh words. The pain is nothing compared to the anger, his heart is pounding hard and he sucks in air between his teeth, glaring darkly at the boy who has everything. His eyes are darker than black and when he meets Shane´s dull eyes so can he see the insecurity, he can see doubt. He doesn´t give a fuck about the guys in the bushes anymore, he jumps on Shane with a roar. His fist connects with Shane´s nose and makes the older boy fall to the ground. Shane yells something but he can´t hear it, he can´t hear nothing except his mama´s voice, telling him to leave her alone, telling him that he ruined her life, telling him that he was nothing more than a mistake. A fucking mistake that is all he is.

"You filthy, disease-bearing, poxy bastard, I will beat the shit out of you!" He screams as he kicks him hard between the ribs.

"Daryl, stop it! Daryl!

He grabs Shane by the color, ignoring Carol, and gives him a sucker punch to the jaw and he can hear the crack. Shane won´t be eating his mother's meatloaf tonight. He manages to get another punch in before one of the henchmen grabs him and pushes him to the ground. But they aren´t fast enough, he gets quickly up on his feet, raising his fists and glares darkly at Shane´s two friends. They are bigger than him, but not as big as Merle or daddy. None of the goons have any idea how to fight, they don´t know how to crack someone's skull with only one punch and they have no idea how to make a grown man cry with only words. They are not daddy or Merle, they are just bullies.

"You are a dead man, Dixon!" The taller one yells, saliva flying from his mouth.

The other one nods in agreement, smiling nervously as he keeps glancing over at Shane who whines dramatically. Their threats are pathetic and he rolls his eyes as he takes a step forward. They hesitate slightly before both of them attacks. He kicks the shorter one between the legs who starts screaming like a little girl. The taller one receives a punch to the cheekbone. The skin splits immediately, and he is just about to throw another punch when someone grabs his arm. The unexpected touch makes him jump and take a step back. Carol is clinging to his arm as she looks him in the eyes, her lips are saying something but he can´t hear it. Because he is too busy feeling her warmth, her smooth skin against his arm. He meets her blue eyes and he can see that she´s scared. She is scared of him. That awful realization makes him scared and absolutely terrified. He turns his head and looks around; Shane is still on the ground, cussing loudly and the other two has tears in their eyes. Just like Carol. Slowly he starts walking backwards before he turns around and storms off. He can hear how she is calling his name but he can´t breathe, he needs to get out of here. He walks deeper into the park, where the crack heads and prostitutes like to hang. There is blood on his bruised knuckles and he can´t understand why he suddenly cares. This is not the first time he punched someone to the ground, far from it. He was always getting in fights, he never started them but he always ended them.

"Daryl, wait up!"

It is her voice again, always. He turns around and surprises himself by actually doing what she told him, he waits. There are unshed tears in her eyes and she looks worried, maybe even a little bit scared, all because of him. She is standing dangerously close now.

"Are you okay?" She asks, sincerely concerned.

He nods, not trusting his own voice.

"Are you sure? I just wanted to be sure that you´re all right, Daryl, that you´re not hurt." She says with that voice that sounds like a beautiful melody.

"T-the-ey d-didn-n´t e-even t-touch m-me." He mumbles awkwardly, as he keeps staring at the ground.

"Yeah, I know but there are other ways to be hurt Daryl." She says and lays her soft hand on his cheek.

He takes a step back, shocked by her gentle touch. She is standing so close and he can smell her sweet, flowery scent and he can see the small freckles on her nose. Her breasts are close, dangerously close, to his chest and just the thought of her white, round breasts makes him harden in his pants. The embarrassment makes him turn red but she doesn´t seem to notice that he´s having a hard time struggling against an erection.

"So are you absolutely sure that you´re not hurt?" She asks again, smiling comfortably. "I mean the stuff Shane said was…"

"N-not-thing, S-Shane s-s-said nothing." He cuts her off with a sneer. "Y-you k-know n-n-nothing."

He tries to be angry, he really tries but he can´t, not at her. The blue kind eyes are seeking out his own blue eyes and she gives him a look no one has ever given him before. She gives him a look of understanding. Two police officers are suddenly walking towards them and he knows what´s about to happen. Carol knows it to.

"Daryl Dixon?" The female officer asks him with a stern, professional voice.

"Yeah." He admits tiredly, knowing he won´t get far if he tries to escape.

"Well, what a surprise, another Dixon." The older police officer sighs and grabs his arm.

"Please officer, Daryl didn´t…"

"Save it miss." The older man says harshly.

They cuff him and inform him quickly what this is about. Shane and his friend had called the police and he´s actually surprised that the cops showed up so fast. But then he remembers that Mr. Walsh is a police officer. They drags him with them as he struggles to look around, he needs to see her one last time before his own personal hell begins.

"I´ll wait for you!" She shouts after him with a smile and a light giggle.

He smiles shyly before he turns around. The older police officer shoves him but he don´t care, he´s too busy storing Carols smile in his heart.


End file.
